A man who won millions in a lottery was once asked how the money had changed his life. The man answered: “People you to say I was rude and they now say I’m refreshing and I’m not witty where I once was a guy who new the punchlines to all he dirty jokes.”
For anyone who does not have the luxury of being considered “witty” then learning a few inoffensive jokes is a must. This may not be as easy as it sounds as different people are offended by different things and some people are offended by almost anything. This not to say that there is not a time or place for the more colorful jokes. These jokes should be avoid in public meetings, workplaces and when you first meet someone. Commonsense will go a long way in determining if a joke is safe to tell. Here are a few tips.
1) If the joke has offensive language which cannot be cleaned up then it should be saved for when you are with your friends.
2) Any joke that deals with any sexual situations or innuendos should likewise be avoided.
3) It should go without saying that racial jokes are big no. This also extents to nationality jokes as well. Telling a joke about a drunk Irishman or a penny-pinching Scot may seem harmless but people do take offense them just the same. Just because you are a member of a certain race or nationality does not give you the right to make self-deprecating jokes of that race or nationality.
4) Sexist jokes, whether about males or females, are also to be avoided.
5) You may think that blonde jokes, lawyer jokes or doctor jokes are safe to tell. If you do not know the professions of the people you are talking to, you may want to tread carefully.
Everyone should learn at least three inoffensive jokes to see them through any situation. To help with this task, three inoffensive jokes are listed below.
A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, “Keep calm, Fred. Don’t get excited, Fred. Don’t yell, Fred.”
A lady watched with admiration and then said, “You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little Fred.”
“Lady,” he declared, “I’m Fred!”
Why are there no romantic restaurants on the moon? Because there is no atmosphere.
The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Tucson theatre.
When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager.
The cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police.
The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replied “the balcony.”