Secret of How To Properly Read Job Ads

Ever surprised what actually all those fancy statements in job classifieds mean?
Do not speculate any more.

Here is a translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you see one of these in a Classifieds Careers / Jobs section:

"Willing to work long hours" -> translation: Forget about your family, or any personal life at all!

"You are a self-starter" -> translation: We have no idea what we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!

"Can work independently" -> translation: Do not expect any support from us!

"Exceptionally positive attitude" -> translation: Boss is an asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a day!

"Stamina to work long hours" -> translation: In other words you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an ox!

"Provide assurance and consulting services to our clients" -> translation: You are an extremely skillful liar!

"Exceptional organizational skills" -> translation: We hope we finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!

"Winning positive attitude" -> translation: Never get bogged down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!

"Ability to work in a fast-paced environment" -> translation: Break? What break?

"You feel like an essential member of a corporate family" -> translation: You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax office, right?

"You are responsible and dependable" -> translation: We expect you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we do / do not do!

"Willingness to work hard" -> translation: Slavery, the legal way

"Extremely busy environment" -> translation: We are understaffed

"Friendly customer service" -> translation: You are mentally challenged and smiling to it!

"Outstanding customer support service" -> translation: You have an experience working as a lion tamer or at least as a high school teacher!

"Ability to work in a challenging environment" -> translation: You can always BS your way out!

"Positive outlook" -> translation: What? You expect us to actually pay you for your work …?!

Source by Dagmar Rakos